Real stories and strategies for navigating this time of year.
The holiday season is often framed as a time of joy, connection, and family. But for those navigating a fertility journey, gatherings and well-meaning questions can feel unexpectedly heavy. We asked patients to share their honest experiences, and their responses paint a clear picture of the challenges and the need for greater compassion.
The Emotional Impact of “The Question”
One of the most common triggers at holiday gatherings is the inevitable: “When are you going to have a baby?” or “Any family plans for next year?” While often asked with genuine love, the impact can be profound. Respondents described feeling:
- Frustrated and anxious
- A sense of unnecessary pressure
- Suffocated and overwhelmed
As one patient starting In Vitro Fertilization (IVF) noted, “[It felt like] holding my breath, just waiting for someone to ask about having kids.” Answering these questions isn’t a simple social exchange. It can force someone to confront a deeply personal and emotional part of their life in a very public moment.
The Avoidance Factor
The weight of this topic is significant enough to influence holiday attendance. 31% of respondents shared that they have avoided holiday gatherings specifically because of the dreaded “When are you having a baby?” question. This statistic underscores how the desire for connection can be overshadowed by the fear of painful conversations.
Advice From Patients: What Not to Say
Family and friends may want to be supportive, but patients offered clear guidance on what to avoid:
- Don’t put someone on the spot to discuss medical details
- Don’t state the obvious or make assumptions
- Just listen and not judge
Sensitivity matters—and pressure, even unintentional, can hurt.
A Better Way to Show Support: What to Ask Instead
The most appreciated question is simple: “How are you doing?” Patients want to be seen and supported without being interrogated or pitied. Keeping the question broad gives them space to share only what they feel comfortable sharing. Many also wish loved ones would offer support in ways that feel meaningful and respectful:
- “I wish people would ask more about how we plan to navigate IVF and how they could be part of our journey.”
- “What do you need from us to make it easier or more possible? Simply being there to listen and not judge.”
This holiday season, the greatest gift you can offer is compassion—respecting privacy, listening without judgment, and creating space for your loved ones to feel supported, however they choose to show up.
