1) In a few sentences, please tell us about your own fertility journey…
At this point in my life I wasn’t expecting to decide to have a baby by myself. I was in a long term relationship and had it all planned out in my head that we would get married, have a baby and build a life in the Bay Area. Unfortunately, the relationship ended and during this past year I was able to take a few trips, one back home to Colorado for a few months and one month spent in Maui to reflect on what I really wanted in life. I’m a big believer in signs and after I got my dream job, an apartment by myself (a big deal in San Francisco) and found out about Kindbody through my job, I saw everything I wanted starting to line up perfectly and that’s when I decided I was ready to start the surrogacy process.
2) What has the process looked like for you thus far? What are the next steps?
The process has been fairly smooth so far, I just didn’t realize so much had to be done up front before I picked an egg donor. I’ve gone to Kindbody for a few visits and feel like I’m getting a full body inspection which is pretty cool, but also emotionally draining. So far I’ve had a semen analysis, physical, blood draw, genetic testing, pee test, another semen deposit for freezing and started looking at egg donors. Next step is to meet with a therapist and talk about surrogacy and then I need to pick an egg donor.
3) What has been the most difficult part about your journey?
The most difficult part about my journey so far is figuring out where to live when I have the baby. I currently live in San Francisco and love the city, but would like to be back home in Denver around my family for the first year. I go back and forth everyday debating if I should move down to the South Bay where my job is at so I have a shorter commute, stay in San Francisco so I can be around all my friends or move somewhere else completely different. Hoping everything will fall into place and I’ll know where I need to end up for the first few years with the baby.
4) What are some things that have helped you find strength?
My mom is the perfect example of strength. She was a single mom, going to work full-time, received her bachelor’s and master’s degree, and still found time for herself to go hiking every weekend. She taught me how to be self-sufficient, resilient and how to figure out any kind of situation. I’ve felt very overwhelmed these past few months throughout this fertility journey and I always remind myself of her strength and what she’s instilled in me.
5) What piece of advice would you give to those who are struggling to figure out the next step?
My advice to people who want to figure out the next step is to start the conversation with friends and family. I’m an only child and have always had to fend for myself growing up so I have a very hard time asking people for help. Once I started to talk about wanting to have a baby I realized a bunch of people around me work for fertility clinics, egg banks and other resources that can be helpful. I would also note that it’s always reassuring to know that we have options whether it’s surrogacy, adoption or fostering. I remind myself often if surrogacy doesn’t work out I always have other options.
6) Talking about fertility challenges can sometimes be taboo in the LGBTQ+ community. By sharing your story, what do you hope to achieve?
I hope that by sharing my story I can show others in my community that we should talk about fertility more as I think many are interested in it, but don’t know how to bring it up. I rarely hear about gay’s talking about having a baby and I’ve only met a few people that have had kids or what I see on TV. I’ve only posted a few times on social media about my journey so far and I can’t believe how many people have reached out showing support and asking questions. I hope by sharing my story people will feel more open to talk about fertility and that it’s difficult and scary, but can lead to the most amazing thing.